“Why do people say “grow some balls”? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.”
Betty White
I’ve started carrying about a bag of peanuts for crows and squirrels I meet on my walks. I was telling my husband about it the other day, saying: “So, I was pulling out my nutsack…”, which made him giggle. To which I asked: “You know how it is when you pull out your nutsack for someone, right? How excited they get?” He was like: “Oh yeah, that always goes over well”.
Which led to the question: would anyone out there actually be into that? Just the nutsack and nothing else? Like a full on fetish. (I don’t want to brag but I have a real talent for imagining things that might actually be somebody’s weird fetish).
Perhaps I’ll start a website called “Just the Nutsack”. No penises, no faces. Just shots of nutsacks. Nutsacks through glory holes. Nutsacks sticking out of pant flys. Nutsacks on vacation.
Maybe I’ll even manufacture some artificial nutsacks for my website photoshoots? (Could be less awkward than real models, ya know?) Perhaps I’d even get really good at it? Like a professional nutsack artist?
I’d have an amazing studio. I’d have my standard nutsack moulds which I’d customize, for a fee. You could send me a photo of your boyfriend’s nutsack and I’d send you a latex replica, which you could either give him as a gag gift for his birthday or just keep in your bedside drawer and squeeze when you’re mad at him, like a little voodoo doll?
Perhaps you could then take a picture of your sweet latex nutsack and submit it to my website? I’d accept your photo and send you $20. You’re now your boyfriend’s nutsack’s pimp. Congratulations.
I’ve never been more proud of you.